Like I told one of my best guy friends from school I wasn't coming back anymore, he got pretty upset and asked me to never forget him and said that he was really depressed over it. I said I'm sure he'd get over it...anyways while the convo was winding down..he just left and put up the away message "I hate love." Maybe it was random and completley unrelated...but i couldn't help wonder.

Also. I found someone on the wonder that is myspace, that i never thougt i'd find. Chino, from the Deftones. Fucking Amazing right? And it's really him... I can't even comprehend..just. blah. he's just so fucking talented.

Anyways. I know your wondering why talk about such trivial things? Because i'm trying to hang onto anything to make me happy at the moment..

I am no longer going to college. I got a D so my parents are pulling me out and making me get a job and move out. I don't know where i'm going to go or what to do. I'm having to tell everyone slowly, and my eyes wont stop burning. I just keep crying and i'm trying to stop because my head hurts and i can't see well...

I just. I never thought it'd be this way.

In good news though, My dad said that if I do really good in school and work this semester and on my own, he'll think about letting me go back for spring semester... how far away it all feels. I somehow doubt it will happen. I also will have to grovel for the school to let me back...

man. i fucked up.

Anyways i think i have a place to live, only problme is that you have to pay for first month's rent, last month's rent, and a down payment..the first month. I don't have that kind of money...and i won't anytime soon. that would be around 1,100 dollars. I don't even have a job yet...how could i pay that? I mean 350$ a month isn't that bad? I don't even know. I don't know anything about this kind of shit...at all. maybe i'll just keep looking. it's on the other side of the town i live in..i don't know where i'd apply for a job or anything like that..