My head is so consumed in thoughts. a little regret and alot of whys.
and the fact i can only keep guy's interest for two meetings. two. exactly. it's been proven.
I've been super sick lately, and a shot of nyquil before sleep has become habit. and comfort. the strong licoric-ey liquid taste has somehow become soothing.
And well the sickness? where did it come from? some silly boy that was beautiful and funny and sweet. that i met. only twice. once was great, and once was horrible and we never decided to never talk again. There was alot of kissing, and there was alot more too. I'm afraid though. Because he knew he had a cold and was willing to pass it to me. What else could he have been willing to pass to me?
I have an appointment at planned parenthood next Monday to find out. I bet i'm fine but I can't help but wonder. alot.
I've never done anything like that. And i still didn't quite do it. only two minutes...
of stupidity.
why is this the only time i ever seem to write anymore? times like these...
I'm excited though. Friday is my best friends birthday and another close friend's big birthday party. It will be crazy and i will be surrounded by people that i love. which sounds oh so nice. and is very needed.
there's so much more, and everything is much more complicated than it sounds. But i'm so stressed by these things and school things and non-school things. Every nitch and every crease in my life is somehow bringing me stress lately.
and that equals laziness and lack of motivation. and the lack of me being driven and the over spill of ambition that is characteristic of me.
"And his motivation never matched his ambition."
Whenever I read that line, or see it in a book or a paper, it sticks out to me. I hate that line but i love it because i sympthasize with it and in a way I feel like it understands me.
And i hate that.
I hate that i relate to that line.
Ambition is easy to find.
where does motivation come from?