but its true that when i am drunk i am sure about everything. things im not really sure about soberly.
and you want me to say it was because i was drunk, you are asking for the hurt. i can see it. and you say its okay to just tell you and you beg me, "tell me tell me tell me; just say it." because in some way you are afraid it is true.
but i've been through this before, i have been coaxed (pushed) into admittance before, and they were lying; and you are lying. its not okay. because it is never okay. and i would never blame the alcohol, why do you want me to?
i felt what i felt when i said it.
but what did i feel? is it love or just general warm feeling?
i don't know. i guess because it feels different. i mean of course it does, you are a different person. and i like that. and im glad that you are you and not him. but at the same time its weird.
because he (the boy) was the only love i really knew. other than the family kind of love. and it was intense and suffocating. and yours isn't like that. its duller. its slower. i think that means its more real.
yours is more like when my mom used to hug me/hold me close to her chest and ask me "can you feel my love?" and sometimes i could, sometimes i couldn't. i usually can't with you, but sometimes i think i can. and sometimes its just your heartbeat. but i'm almost positive i felt it last night.
and my heart swelled, and i swelled and water rose to my eyes and i wanted to say something but i couldn't. i just buried my head in your chest and i hung on to you so i could hang on to the feeling so i could be sure.
i just want to be sure.