I am swimming in the thought that I really need to get my shit together. weird anxiety about the future and the present. Some vague checklist and to do list. I have a blurry idea of what i'm supposed to be doing but can't pinpoint the exact actions I should be taking. but i do know whatever this is, this is not it. im not doing enough work. enough sweating. enough anything. Except for drinking. Being a drunk waste. i'm doing more than enough of.

I'm going nowhere fast. And i see all the things i need to do and they look like they just all take so much energy. and jesus fuck, i'm always so tired. why why why. someone wake me up. there's not enough hours in the day. and even if there was, i'd probably waste those too.