On one level, i know what I read in books is not real, on another, I feel like maybe it is. My mom said that if I met the right person, I would absolutely know and be able to feel it. She's been successfully married for almost 40 years, so this is a lady you want to listen to about this kind of thing.

I'm 30 and i've never felt that feeling about anyone, which is terrifying.

But I can't help but feel that it's out there somewhere. But I also know that holding out for that feeling is how a lot of people end up alone.

On the other hand, settling is how a lot of people end up unhappy.

Though if I did end up with K not to say it would be settling, we just aren't at the level that i know what a life with him would really be like. Though, I know it would be missing that affection and adoration I grew really accustomed to with the (ex) bf. and even the boy.

He's just not that verbal or affectionate really, which are kind of things i require. Shit, I'm not even sure how much he likes me. It's also very obvious that he's not even sure how much he likes me, even though it's more than it used to be.

fuck. what am i doing.