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Calves
2004-06-15

You know, its a really big blow to my pride and to me, and everythign i worked for last year. Even though it was an innocent and simple, yet akward comment, it somehow destroyed me. It wasn't much of anything, a simple pointless akward utterance of "your calves are big." Yes, I know. thank you. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but. I feel like I've reached my final descent as far as my body goes. I never liked my body much. Not at all. I always was complaining about it some which way or somethign wasn't right. Nothing, is ever all right. But at the same time, I'm not going to lie, I loved my legs. Especially my calves. They were my pride and joy. My one thing, that i was extremly proud of. For me, to be proud of somethign abotu myself, is a big deal. To be told that one thing that i held my pride in, the thigns that literlaly held me up, to be brought down. Not because he was commenting on my old calves, but because I haven't worked out hard for a long time. i stopped working on them even. My legs...are disgusting. It's just hard to literally being told by people that my legs were "perfect." I've never been told anything about me in my life was perfect. Being told that people would just sit in class and look at my legs. (Yes people have told me this) As self-righteous and shallow as it sounds...everyone has at least one thing they are proud of loves. and now, that's gone.

They've turned to crap. just like the rest of me.

So now? It's time to get them back. And no, I'm not just saying that this time. Because I've allready started. I will have them back...

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