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Crew
2004-08-31

I don't now why my drive to join crew (rowing) is so strong.Or why it means so much to me to get on that team, to be a member of it.I think its because I want to be part of something again.Undeniably, part of something. To be dedicated to something, to once again have a sport or something defining-- own me. Or Partially own me. I guess crew is now in the afternoon and everyone one in the school wants to do it now. To be honest,I preferred to do it at 5am. I hate running in the afternoon, it's too hot and its too painfull. Plus if it was at 5am people could understand how bad i want to do this more i guess? To feel the need for me to do this burning through me. I'm tired of sitting around.And I'm tired of my body going to shit. I could reclaim my body again,along with my self confidence, along...along with myself. Am I expecting too much from a silly sport? Maybe. But I don't think its so much the sport. I think its my willingess to want to be a part of something again. To remeber the word dedication. To know what sacrifice is again. So when I hear the line "Blood, Sweat, and Tears" uttered again I won't just remeber when that was something I understood just as any other athelete, i won't just remeber it as a drive i miss, I'll know its part of me again. I'll know its something I'm willing to do. I'll know...it's omething I want, so bad.

Please, Please let me be on that team...

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