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Little Girl Tendancies
2004-09-27

Something was pointed out to me this weekend. Well, its somethingi guess I knew, but I never really thought about or paid much attention to. I�ve always known that when I�m talking to a guy that I like, or just a lot of the time I�m talking to a guy in genereal, my voice changes. It gets� �cuter.� It�s not that I do it on purpose�It just happens on accident. And it really bothers me that I do that, because it bothers me when other girls do that. It�s kind of�gross. But in all honesty for some reason, its natural I guess. I never really thought anything of it though, just something I do. But then, it was pointed out that it�s not only when I�m talking to guys. I slip into it when I�m talking about something that makes me uncomfortable, or confused. I always thought of it as a slightly �cuter� voice, but I was told it was a �little girl� voice. And now that I think of it is, I guess� it is. I just slip in and out of it. Even further, it was pointed out to me that not only do I slip into this �little girl� voice, I have little girl tendencies. Just things I do. Little things. Like, when I sit or stand, a lot of the time I face my feet inward, towards eachother. Or when I talk about something I�m shy about I kind of lift my shoulders and coil my back a little, or I scratch my arm when I�m uncomfortable, or I bite my lip�just little things that people have picked up on. Things that people my age are supposed to have �grown out of.� I don�t know why I do it. My friend who pointed this all out to me said it kind of worried him. And that it was in a way, disturbing. Yeah, thanks. I think it just reflects my resistance to growing up. Everyone�s telling me to grow up all the time, if I knew how, I would. I�ve been a late bloomer in everything I do, maybe it has to do with that, I�m not really sure. I don�t know what to think of it. I never thought anything of it or really realized�and especially never saw it as a bad thing but when its pointed out as a �disturbing� thing, its kind of scary.

In all honesty I don�t understand why I�m still such a little kid sometimes. With my feelings, emotions, and actions�I just�can�t help it. Maybe I�m stuck in my immaturity. Maybe it�s a common 18 year old kind of thing? Maybe�It�s just something in me that�s innate, ingrained, something I can�t escape and is part of me. And part of my being. I really don�t understand whats so bad about it. Or more than that..what it is. Maybe its nothing at all? Just the way I am? Is it unhealthy ? unnatural?? I just don�t know. It�s probably nothing, I probably shouldn�t care.

Oh did I forget to mention one of my things I do, that may be kind of child like, is I dwell on every little thing? And be worried about eveyrthign, even hte silliest thigns?Yeah, here I go again.

I think- I think I�m just not going to worry about it, and just see if I grow out of it. Yeah, that�s it.

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