Is love soley an emotion? What is an emotion? Something that is felt ina moment of time..? Something that passes? Something that fades? Something...temporary?

And is that all that love is? Soley an emotion. Such as happiness, anger, sadness? Just an emotion...Or its more? So much more to it and attatched to it. Is it just a large mix of emotions? Lust, Need, want, adornment, hope, friendship all just mixed into one?

I just don't understand it. And I don't understand why its said to be this great big infalliable force. When they say love can concur all, dothey mean love, as in romantic love? Or just general love for humanity and those around you? I can see the latter..but i'm not sure abotu the former. What we think of love makes us act how we woudln't usually? Just. blah.

If love was this great big powerful infalliable thing, then how can it fade? how can you fall out of it? What does that mean? If you fall out of it? That it wasn't true. That what you felt wasn't love, it wasn't true love. YOu just thought it was love? If so how do you know what love really is? How do you know when your finally expierncing the real thing. The real deal. And people say "you just know." What if you just "knew" the time before? And it ended up like crap?

Love...Just. I don't know. I see it fading in front of me. I feel it slipping from me. I just, I don't think I feel the same way about the boy anymore. And I don't know what to do. I don't know if thats right? I love him don't I? I claimed to...It was my first expiernce with love, but god damnit if that isn't love, I can't even imagine what its like to expiernce. I don't doubt it's a beautiful thing and a beautiful feeling, and propells people to do things they wouldn't ordinarly do..but. If it was this ever-lasting, eternal, forever kind of thing...how can i be feeling this way?

It's like the first two months of school i was crying and wanting and hoping and pining and reaching and waiting, all for the boy. And i was content to do it. But the less i see him, the less i talk to him, the time spent with or being around, or even thinking of im, the less i pine. the less i want..the less i wait..the less i miss. new boys are introduced, and im intrigued. so fucking intiruged. too intrigued.

And just I love the boy. But am I in love with the boy? Or am i just dumb and don't know what it feels liek when the initial feelings of love wear off is? Like the wanting to talk to someone every second of every day, or the warm fuzzy feeling when i see his number. Where did all go? I just maybe because it comes with so much more than love. It comes with commitment, and pain, and memories and fights. And maybe the love is still there adn its hidden and just deep down and buried and under all the shit, and so i shoudln't throw it away. Because its still there and it still exsists, and i'd be throwing away the best thing I ever had.

But is that thing, that feeling in my tummy, those butteflies adn all that mushy stuff, undeniable essential parts of love? Or are they optional? I mean I know i feel more for him than that, i still would do anything to make him happy, and want the best for him, and want him included in my life, and whenever hes still upset there's a huge pang in my heart, but is that just because i love him, not because I'm in love with him?

i once read that true love was the feeling, the life, the working through and comprise of what its like after all those silly butterfly-yy warm things wear off. It was the willingess and caring for someone, even after all that was gone. That love, is what's left over and what you do with yourselves when initial "love" wears off. In that case am i giving up on love before I even know it? Not that I'm giving up...but i don't know anymore.

Just, what is love? Where does it all go? Have I expiernced it...is what i thought was love, truly love? Not that theres a definite answer..just. I'm sure every comes to their own conclusions based on their own assumptions and expiernces but just it's such a small question, with no real answer. Such a small question, for a no-answer entry.

What is love?

I acutally think i did find an answer...

I simply don't know.

And I think thats okay. because i know that i love the boy, and always will, un-conditionaly. Will i always be in love with him? Am i still in love with him? In all honesty I couldn't tell you. And I hope..and I think, that eventually, that will be okay too.