I�m tired. And , I gave up on the BD. He likes another girl, and I just have to deal with it. I like him so much, and I don�t understand why. Probably because we have so much fun together�or maybe�its just the fact that I have fun with him. Heh. Something like that. People have been so wishy-washy lately. I shouldn�t care and be so sensitive, yet I do, and I am. I had to Urg (do the rowing machine) for an hour today, in front of basically the whole school, to raise money for crew. I was kind of fun, except for I�m behind everybody else, because I couldn�t practice because of medical papers and all that bullshit. So I may have looked like shit next to everyone else, but whatever. Was still a good work out, and everything hurts like bitch.

I got my hair layered and my bangs trimmed today, its cute. Not much of a difference form normal, I�m just too afraid to play with my hair too much. I got all done up today, well okay not all done up, but I did my hair and put make up on. The bd didn�t even notice. His roommate did though, heh. Oh wait I thought I didn�t care, that�s right I�m not supposed to.

Josh�s phone isn�t working anymore. He�d promise he�d call me with his new phone number, he hasn�t. A mutual friend told me he has a girlfriend now, he has for a while, and their deeply in love. I�m not going to lie, I�m a little bit jealous. Not so much of the girl and him, but the fact she gets to spend time with him. Or even fucking talk to him, or even see him. Oh god, I miss him so much. The last thing I have of him was a song he sent me. Like normal, and all over again, left with nothing but songs, old phone calls, and fading memories.

I also watched the note book last night, what a cute and beautiful yet sad and heart wrenching in a good way- kind of movie. I ended up bawling at the end of it, and calling the boy, who I haven�t talked to too much lately. I half regret it, but I think distancing ourselves is better�it just is.

I still feel so lonely lately. Feel a bit ditched by the girls, and the guys. My best guy friends were BD his roommate and one of his best friends, now everything went weird with them, so yeah.

Meh. I think I might just go to bed, and hope for a better tomorrow.