How did I become such a lazy, distracted girl?

I got really bad grades this semester. I put in high school effort, and got well..less than high school results. I don't know how to tell my parents. I don't want them to pull me out of college. Oh God. I admit, i should have dedicated more time to work, okay, alot more time. But shit, its hard you know? Always someone in my room, something to do..and plenty of hw to blow off to spend with a certain boy that lives downstairs. *sigh* So now, im fucked. And its my fault, and i'm dead.

I wish this was an only college kind of problem. But i've had this issue (bad grades, low work ethic) my whole life, literally.

I'm slowly starting to realize though, i need to get out of this child-like mentality. All of my academic work, that i've done-- has been for my parents. Because, I never wanted to get in trouble,that's the only reason. That's was my drive, and my reasoning. And this semester it still was. Maybe it's because I have such over bearing parents, or maybe because i'm just so immature in that aspect. I don't know. But the sad thing is, the same attitude/mindset carries over to work. I try to be on time to work, so my boss won't get mad. I try to do well at work, so my boss won't be mad. etc. etc.

The only time this mindset doesn't apply is working out. Acutally it does partially. I prefer, to have someone pushing me to work out to do something. Why am i so reliant on the words and fear of dissapointment from other people? Why does this drive me so much?

And its like it drives me but in academics and work, it's not enough. It's like, I need something more. But without i get nothing done...blah.

Where is my own ambition...why aren't i doing this for myself? When will i grow up? Why does this only apply to work/school?

And you know, it's all been wasted. It's all been wasted...if it was for someone else all along.