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You...
2005-01-12

and im so sick of being me. and im so sick of bein gugly. and how cani never attarct the attention that i want. and why..at then end o hte day am i lawya s alone. and wh does no one care? and why am is so pahetic..

wju dpes he have tocome and back. i thought it was over and one with. but his lack fo attention throws me back to the floor, and my tears follow. I can't do this. I don't understand..why is she so much better? ow is she so much prettier? and i hate myself somehow. all the time. i hate that i get depressed so easily. i hate that im crying.

i hate that i waste myf cuking tears on you. i hate that your in my life. i hate that you don't tlak to me lik eyou used to. i htat that you dont care..liike i used to? WHy do i like you so msuch? why do you mean so much to me..I dont understand. you've done nothing but treat me like shit..i 've done nothing but try to be the best to you that i could. why do you make me wnat to listen to depressng songs. why do they all make me think of you? I thought i let this thing go...i thought it was over. but its not. everytime i see you it starts all over again. the pain, the fear...the hate. the bitterness. i hate what you make me. i hate that you matter to me so much. i hate that its still hard to sit in a room with you, and know that you never think of me.

I hate my pain. and i hate my foolishness. you are nothing to me anymore. I'll tell myself that..just keep telling myself that. now im going to cuddle witha close firend, beause i need comfort. cuz im desperate, cause im sad lik ethat.

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