So its a new year. And as usual i'm the same person, but i did do something out of character. I didn't make my usual New Year's resolutions list. I was going to but.. at first it was laziness, then it became a I allready know what i want kind of thing. so i don't really need to write it down. It's constantly on the back of my mind. oh well i guess i will now...it's basicaly atm just to get through school and not fail. and to stop being so emotionally detached with people. I've gotten lazy, in a new way. I don't want to put all my emotion and open myself up for vurneability and just... i'm tired. and i don't want to hurt anymore. and investing so much time and so much effort in people, is hard. and i think maybe i'm finally turning cold. I stay distant and don't realy get that close to people, yet i still long for closesness. I just feel so damn alone lately...and in an odd way it almost feels right. not good..but right. blah. I know those two boys got the best of me.

maybe i've become weak. and then that's where the me, in well..me comes in. The me that has to fight. I have to fight it, because that's just sad. but I don't want to press myself upon people either. I'm afraid they'll get sick of me, or just find me to be boring. I'm a pretty boring person, i feel as if i can't hold anybody's intrest or attention for long. I'm so afraid what people think of me all the time. *sigh* i think i might have a social anxiety disorder...my friend Jules has it, and I'm almost as bad as her...maybe worse. You can't even tell that she has it really...She sounds alot like me in a lot of ways. Maybe I'm just looking for excuses to be so self conssious. I don't really know, but i plan on finding out. or fixing it, at least.

Okay, time to go see some friends.