And as i know and told the boy, and a few others, it's easy to simply make things that are good better. it's alot easier than fixing things that are broken. and i have quite a few broken relationships under my belt that i'm trying to mend. broken, or tired...or thinning. and people don't want to concern themselves with it. they only concern themselves with eachother. its the philosophy of look to the present not the past i guess?

and so. i watch them play out their tragic love affair. how beautiful and sad. they long for eachother, reach for eachother, talk about things that happend that they wish the other one was there for. and that they'll be together soon enough. and he takes my words and uses them for her. or takes the same words he used for me, and speaks them for her. and i watch them yearn and i watch them long, and i look at that fufilling pain.

I remember all that. I remember how it felt, and I remember finally being able to see him again. I remember how much better it all felt to just be near him. I remeber that all the longing and the yearning only intensified everything when we were near eachohter. how it was so substatnial and essential to our relationship.

i also remeber how it broke us apart.

so i watch. i watch him be stuck in this little love affair. i watch him let everything else around him dissolve (just like he let it for me.) and i watch him promise to keep up with the rest of his life and the rest of his friends. i watch his words turn to lies. i watch him become a wishy-washy kind of person. promised that were meant to be kept, yet keep slipping by somehow.

and i wish it was only him. i wish he was the only one who was being an asshole. the only one promising to call, and promisng to care, yet never following through. I can only do so much. I can only call so much. I can only make so much effort, before i realize you don't give enough of a shit.

blah.