Officialy there are no kids left in college. Two left with pride, one with shame.

Our family talked about the usual family things incessantly. My brother's receeding hairline, my grandpa's alcoholism, the weight my cousin has lost, the weight i gained at college. That's why family reunions are so devestating. They know right where it hurts most. Actually, they're probably the reason it hurts the most. After all, they're the ones that gave you your values, your pride, your short commings. They hate the same things, because they are the same things.

The boy has a weird sense to him. At least, ironic timing. It was 7am and i was brushing my hair, thinking angry thoughts about him. It had been a long time since i thought those kind of thoughts. And when i was admist all the growing anger, i recieved a text from him, apologizing for not talking to me lately. he's just been busy. That was the boy being ironic, or karma...being ironic. and the anger shrunk to the smallness it had been, before that morning. and walked to the very back of my thoughts, where it likes to hang.

If you couldn't have guessed allready, I'm trying desperatly to lose weight. I haven't even gained that much. But, its enough. I found a great place to run. So I've been doing that, on an almost daily basis. and when i don't run it, i feel guilty as hell. and when i drink coffee or eat anything unhealthy, i feel guilty as hell.

I'm right where i should be.

My weight has even followed me into my dreams. Horrible, scary dreams.

But I don't only want to lose what i've gained. This time, I want to get really in shape. I want to have a beautiful body. I'm not quite sure how to attain this goal. But I will. I'm giving myself until the end of summer...let's see how it goes.