October 8th, October 8th.

I find myself asking what day it is. And every time someone answers, i get dissapointed that it's not closer to October 8th.

Frantic I'll miss the day. or forget.

Simply, because it's his birthday. Josh's Birthday. A lost best friend. A best friend, whose not even a friend. I feel like, birthdays are the excuse. the saving grace. the thing that, when it would be too akward and innapropriate to talk to someone that you haven't talked to for along time, someone you might have issues with, someone who just doesn't care anymore. Birthdays are the only time..the perfect excuse, when it's really okay to come out of the blue, and say something. Even if it's just a few word, at least a wish. To let them know you're thinking about them. That you cared enough to remeber. To talk to him. to love him.

to show him that i care enough.

enough to brave the akwardness.

i still miss him. i still worry about him. i wonder,a nd i hope that everythings gotten better since the last time we talked. since the last time we passed eachother, and i wasn't treated with apathy. without notice. not even a blink of an eye. maybe just maybe I'm met with a stir of anger. If i'm lucky.

what happend to us anyways? He's changed. I'm the same. I miss and care for him like always. I'm always willing to be here for him always.

I hope i can tell him all or any of this on his birthday. Or maybe even just a Simple birthday wish.

anything, really. Broken, friendships. Especially broken-best-freindships, are hard.

I think i'll miss him forever.