it was wonderful and great and everything that i had missed and hoped for. But i know it was a once in the blue moon kind of a thing.

Though not everything was perfect. though it was little, there was still talk of her. she's tangled in his life. just casually she was there for this, she was there for that. while i was not. while i'm so far away. hours, days, states, years away.

and. the worst part was he didn't mention what we always mention. 7 years. 7 years until he's 30. and 7 years until if were both alone we will be together.

and i want to say during all our talking that this intense feeling of love came rushing back. and it all came back to me and everything was the same and i just wanted to hold him and tell him how much i loved him.

But it didn't. and it wasn't like that.it was just two people, talking. two people that are the same, speaking and understanding and remebering. The good may not have come back to me, but the bad melted away. I can barely remeber how he wronged me and how he lied. I don't want to either. I like it like this.

I thought i could pass it off as one wonderful night. One night of memories and reminicising and clicking like we used to. like we fit together (just like the moles on our hips do). I could pass it off as one night of catching up and getting along. and non fights and light hearted talk.

something neither of us have expiernces with the other for a long time. something i feel we both needed. he said he missed my voice and my laugh. and said i missed his smile and his smell.

and i was okay with that. one night. one night. one. night.

and then. i came home from being out tonight and from forgetting and from this life of moving on and pretending and knowing he is gone from my life.

he called me again tonight. he thanked me for last night. he told me he loved me and missed me, to call him back if i wanted, though he'd probably be sleeping.

I'm not sure what to do with that. I know it was purely a friendly gesture. It was just some fun and maybe just two nights and i don't know.

just nice to know he still thinks of me sometimes?

I guess i just miss him. in general. Not as a boyfriend. not as the love of my life.

just as a person and a friend.

it's good to have him back as one. though, it wouldn't be so bad to have him back as the others either.