I eventually decided to fuck it, and decided she couldn't be as bad as her ex roomate claimed. I started coming into her room and freaking her out, asking her to cut my bangs, go to target with us, and all around just trying to get her involved. Pretty soon we all discovered she was this vibrant, exciting, gorgeous and unusual girl.

she's also smart. in all ways. she's had her past and she's dealt with drugs and she's been through things that i could never imagine or fathom. She has this un explainable life, and this care-free attitude of acceptance and occasional vengeance. And she has these pauses-- in a certain way. Where she forgot what shes saying or it almost seems she forgot who she was. It's a pause-- that you can tell is a result from past drug useage. but it's not a bad thing, it's just another thing that is a part of her. The more i began to talk to her, the more i began to realize what a great person she was. She also attained the ability to understand me, in alot of ways no one can. She could understand my eccentric and eclectic taste in music. she had hers--with her angry songs and classical strings. while i had mine with upbeat trance and slow trip hop. and although we didn't agree on it all, we agreed on alot of it, and were past willing to listen to eachothers idiosynchrisies. her sense of style is like mine. a bit off to others-- but in a good way. and we both just understood where the other one was coming from. And here in college, no ones ever been able to understand me like that, or on that level. She also shared the inexplicable need to get away from somtehing or someone that makes us uncomfortable as soon as it turns bad-- mostly boys. that after one bad expierence we may not ever want to see that person again. my others friends were always amazed by the fact i feel that way, and it was so odd to see someone recipocate it. to see her hide, too.

and i found myself in her.

but she has so much more. she's so smart and gives the best advice and helped me through so much. and we'd just sit and listen to eachother about everything and anything. and she's so fucking observant and i love it. sometimes i hated it, she notices things you don't always want to be noticed. but she'll call you on it, and i can't do anything but respect that. she's loud and hilarious-- and i just. i haven't connected with anoyone like that for a long time. and it sucks. i was finally getting really conformtable with her, i felt i could tell her pretty much anything-- and now, she's going to italy for a semester.

I know it's selfish to want her to stay. But she reminds me of my highschool friends. She understands me like they do, like no-one in college does. She also is so..differnt. she has things about her i haven't seen anywhere else, and will definitley miss.

She's like an older sister. and it's amazing to think i've only known her for some amount of months, and i hope i'm still here when she gets back.

Blah. I allready miss her and she hasn't even left yet..