i have very few friends since i've moved back home. and i'm kind of chasing a boy i kind of already have.
well. i'm not sure if i do. i'm not sure what it is or how much he likes me. (hell, im not even sure how much i like him.)& i guess its a total shock to me, that i even kinda almost sorta have a boy.
what i am sure of i'm deathly
afraid of him thinking i like him too much, or getting bored / sick of me. so. i have been as emotionless as
possible, which i honestly think is really bothering him.

I'm just super afraid. because i honestly have no idea what his intentions are. and i feel like right now
its a both of us are just seeing where this is going kind of thing (if those kind of things exist) and their
getting all fucked up, because i am over analyzing and keeping as much distance as possible. which is probably
only making things worse. & the weirdest part is, i don't feel especially strongly towards him. he's really
attractive and we have a teasing/picking on eachother relationship, and i can kiss him while sober. and thats
all good things. but it doesn't really go any further than that. just the fact that my heart was recently
destroyed has alot to do with it i guess, so i guess in a way i don't really want it to go any further than that.

& on top of it all the guy who introduced us (a very close freind of his) occasionly sends me text messages
he shouldn't. he's married. granted he's our age (21) and even though the comments are mostly innocent,
a married man should not be sending them to a single girl. no matter how close of freinds. (things like.. "
i hope this doesn't scare you but i was just thikning of you" & "u looked amazing tonight" etc.

and to top it off im allready super paranoid and insecure abuot what the guy thinks of me in the first place,( i really am pretty lost on assesing the situation)
last night when we hugn out with the married guy and wife, the boy im "dating" ( i dunno wtf it is) and him like
defintely seperated themselves from the room to talk, and even turned up the music loudly so we the girls coudln't
hear what they were saying. obviously not helping my insecurities at all.

oh well. i just had to get that out, i dont care how childish and highschool it is.

or how clueless i am.