when is too much, and when is he justified? and when can i be legitimatley upset and when am i just being ridiculous?

he has a flirty and outgoing personality. and i can dig that. i get it, i understand it, let him be him, and i do. at the same time, i feel like he pushes the boundaries of what is acceptable and what isn't. like this one girl, he carpools with and talks about on a daily basis. I don't even have to ask if he flirts with her, i know he does. constantly. becuase thats just how he is, and for whatever reason it is, he contantly needs the attention. anyways, so the girl tells my bf how her bf is jealous of him, because apparently she talks about my bf, just as much as he talks about her. (oh yay.) i admitted i could see where the girls bf was coming from, especially becuase they spend OVER 8 hours a day together, while during the course of a week (minus weekends) we spend a total of 6 hours together.

so then he goes on to TELL her that im jealous, and then they JOKE about it. AND THEN HE TELLS ME, and teases me about it further. um yeah..thanks.

i make it obvious i'm upset, but at the sametime i undrestand his personality. and i do. but i'm honestly pretty upset. because i know how much he will flirt with someone, and how far he will go. and he told me that its "ok." because she "understands and is in the same boat," and is faithful to her boyfriend. oh i see. so since she has a boyfriend its pretty much you two are open to whatever? which he pretty much agreed to. & god knows i know girls, and a bf doesn't mean shit. i said thats fine then, you do what you want to do, because if there is one thing i've learned about people-- it's that they will end up doing what they want to do anyways.

and it is "fine." but its not great either. the thing he always says is i'm the one he comes to at the end of the night. (which is of course hypothetical because we don't actually live together, or really see each other during the week.) but its like, well really? should i give you a gold star for not fucking her? and of course i feel completely out of place and crazy for being upset, but at the same time its just not fair. he then tried to take the blame off of him and say, oh, what about people at your school etc. yeah, i'm not like you. i don't flirt with, and have never dated anyone i met just from class. really i barely talk to class mates other than for necessary things, his comparison didn't even make sense. and if you REALLY wanna get technical i spend 3, yes three hours a week with my classmates. not 40.

ugh. i know i shouldn't be so upset but i am. because its not just this, its a long line of stuff and this is just another thing thrown on it. and its becoming this unruly massive pile of bitterness. and its eating at me. and every time i try to say something, or do something i back down. i feel bad for being mad or jealous, and then i feel crazy and give in. and i think that maybe im a bit out of line sometimes, and i think some of it is just weakness too.

and at the same time how much does any of this matter? he loves me he loves me he loves me. but i guess i want him to love me most?

i dont know, im tired of this subject already.