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blood & chocolate
2009-03-04

i know my mom is fully aware of the shaky ground my dad and my relationship is standing (wobbling) on.

but instead of trying to help us heal, i feel like she's just aggravating it more. poking at it. prodding it. inflaming it. -- though i doubt its intentional.

maybe she's just happy that there's someone else around to blame for all the messes and left on lights and lost items.

but she gets mad and yells and stomps around and gets as dramatic as she can, and then runs to my dad and tells him every infraction i have unknowingly caused, yelling how out raged she is, until she transfers her anger onto him. and now he's pissed too and their both screaming at me over too many things to keep count of.

now. its ok if my mom yells at me, because she won't hold it against me, and i know she will forgive me and probably forget shortly after that. and the most frustrating thing is that she knows that i am not doing these things purposely. i don't even realize i'm doing them to be honest.

but my dad, its the kind of thing he'll hold against me. and i realize that her blood is boiling, thus she wants his to boil too, but really i wish she'd just keep her anger to herself because i don't need his too. and he dislikes me enough, why do we have to add petty things to it?

-----------------

in other news. i have been trying to kick my chocolate habit, but instead have been eating a massive amount of other stuff (calories) trying to make up for the chocolate craving, making no dent in the craving just making me full as hell.

when really one piece of chocolate would fix it all together.

seems insane really.

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