and i know my heart should only be his. but for whatever reason, you have always had power over it too. and you don't care anymore. and i know that it's for the best. and you are trying to make it easier on me and i understand that all the secrecy was you sparing me.

i can respect that. i respect that we are in two different places, and affect other people's lives. and that it hurts to hear details. but i want to be part of your life. obviously not like i used to be, but at least a little bit. like big life changing events had passed you by and i had no idea. and i felt like it was unfair. you didn't even give me a chance to be there, but at the same time how could i be?

you did what was right. because as always, you are the better person.

and i adore you for that, even if it hurts.