i am too old for the care free days of college. but i am still in college. but its not the same kind e as 3 years ago.

it is just work. just showing up and putting my time in and leaving. no making life long friends and having the time of my life. just the parts of college that no one likes.

and i am working. but not in a career based job. in just a job kind of job. the kind of job you have to get through the college that i am now too old for. that i have outgrown.

i don't even really drink anymore. only in the grown up dinner and wine kind of way. unless im working at the bar, because its a bar and its the only work place i know of that a drink or two is allowed by all employees as long as you don't tell anyone and your cash handling and drink pouring doesn't get sloppy.

i am back living with my parents. and i would like to say, hey this is just me getting on my feet and gaining independence. but really, this is me being comfortable and this is me wearing out my welcome. but they are my parents and they will never say this. unless whiskey is involved. then my dad will get honest.

i am in love but too frightened to truly commit. i mean i have committed in the being with only him and loving only him in 2.5 years kind of way. but no in the i want to move in or get engaged or doing anything real or take any steps kind of way.

and i'm constantly writing about this limbo. because 25 is approaching and by this age i saw myself going places. and working towards things. and being this self assured better version of myself. and i think the better version of yourself is somebody you imagine for yourself at every age. when i am 60 im sure i will be hoping to be a better person at 61.

its just the way it is i guess.

time is the only thing that can pull me from this limbo, its also the reason im stuck here.