i guess that's the big thing that was getting me down about this whole serious relationship thing. just the confinement, how do i know this one is the best one? and because i am me, i don't only need the best thing, but also the newest thing.

this need has defined my life of mass consumption. I am always buying new things, often before i've even used the old new things. just because they are new. and i am afraid boys and specifically dan will fall victim to this same need.

but then i thought about being single again. and how i was no where near as happy or as balanced as i am now. with all this bitching i do in this journal thing, you wouldn't believe it. but i am happy.

and in college i was happy in other ways. But i tried alot of new boys, and none of them made me feel the way dan does. and with that knowledge, i know that probably no one will. i just realized a few days ago that's all that really matters.