i'm a huge romantic. i don't read trashy romance novels (I prefer historical fiction), but almost all books i read have some kind of romance in them. I also like similarly veined movies. and i always get swept away by the epic passionate and romantic storylines. (at this precise moments its Outlander, and i'm completely obsessed.)

now, the more of these things i read & see the more genuinely confused i get. the rational part of me knows love like that only exists in art. but i want so bad for it to be real. and sometimes, looking at people and couples i think that maybe it is and i just haven't found it yet. and even if that kind of love is not real, is what dan and i have as good as it gets? because we have is good. it has love and honesty and trust. and a feeling of comfort and warmth. safety. stability. occasional boredom. which is all i can ask for?

What happens to love after it grows old? After things are routine and hormones are slowed. is this simply the maturing process of love and relationships or are these the symptoms of failed love. Is the passion and intensity supposed to sustain throughout the entirity of the relationship? in truth, i get the sinking feeling this is the reality of love after infuation. Not that it's bad by any means, but if i am wrong and that kind of love exists, than it could be so much more?

I've been brought to this train of thought because, to be honest, i've been pretty apathetic lately and my emotions have been dulled when concerning all things dan. but i figured that's just how things are after three years. then again, my attention also wavers rather notoriously. maybe i'm just having some off months.

But i'm not sure if this is normal, because i've never been in a relationship this long. I don't know if its simply naturally progression, or if this is wrong and i'm just too scared and don't know enough to leave. because is a slow stable love worth giving up for the possibility of strong, passionate, probably non existent, sustaining love.

no. it's not.

but i can't help but wonder.