i admit i have been spending alot of time without him, but i have been really busy with school and transitioning stores. mostly school. i also caught a nasty called somewhere in the middle of last week. i can understand him feeling upset and neglected, but i'm just really busy and super exhausted. i explained this to him many times and he said he understands.

then things got really weird.

a few nights ago I passed out for three hours after work until 9pm. i wake up to see dan has called me some obscene amount of times, maybe 7ish. i call him back seeing whats up is everything was o? he says its fine, i tell him he can come over if he wants, and he does. so we are just watching that 70's show chilling like everything is normal, and i grab my phone to play some cut the rope. (an awesome phone game.) anyways i see a text message from dan, apparently it was a few hours old and i had missed it before i called him to come over.

it was a break up text. yes, he tried to break up with me over text message, and then tried to pretend it had never happened. needless to say, i was astounded. of course i brought it up, and he tried to AVOID talking about it. wanted to just going on ignoring he had ever sent it.

what the fuck?

after trying to get out of him what the fuck was going on, he finally just says he's just frustrated about stuff, and took it out on me. YES. that is the only explanation i got for him trying to end a three year relationship he's "frustrated" with "stuff." what stuff you ask? i still have no clue. every time i push him about it he just evades and says its not you im just stressed.

how does that make sense?

anyways of course i'm weak and was so shocked i somehow just burst into sobs. (you know me and the waterworks, they can not be stopped and they aren't all that hard to start.) then it occurs to me, why did he even come over and why the fuck was he acting like everything was fine? he said he thought i had gotten the message and just chosen to ignore it. like what? IGNORE the fact you were breaking up with me, then invite you over instead to watch some bad tv. what the fuck. who does that??

i am still given no explanation. he just says he didn't mean it and wants to pretend it never happened.

now hes pissed i cant let it go. well no, i can't. im still fucking surprised. and now every time i don't do something he wants me to i feel like he's just going to end it.

i feel so fucking insecure about everything and this relationship and how little time we spend together and how increasing little time i WANT to spend with him. and anytime i try to bring up this insecurity he says "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO I SAID SORRY." well sorry and a few days isn't enough. my tiny world was shaken.

and fuck you.IM PISSED. yeah i said it. i'm pissed. not that he tried to break up with me. if your not feeling it anymore, your not feeling it. im pissed about the fact he tried to pretend it never happened, then gets mad at ME when i acknowledge it, or want to talk about it. i'm also pissed he wasn't man enough to do it in any really way. so if he really was ever going to break up with me, i see his chosen medium is text message. can't even say it to my face. or even call me.

and i'm so confused. now i'm afraid he's going to break shit off with me any second. or that he's wanted to all along. but he can't handle my reaction. or my tears.

has this become a pity relationship? and if it has, how am i so wildly unaware of it?

my heart is broken.