Obviously, i need to fail a few times before something realistic manifests itself. i've become used to failing, and being the black sheep of the family, feeling like no real company would take me. i do work hard. thats the crazy thing. even if my grades aren't that great, i think i'd do okay.

i've put it off even longer because i've set the plans for spain in motion. i've applied, so all that's left is to wait and be accepted or denied. i'd be REALLY embarrassed if my application has been denied because i have been talking about it to alot of people. i guess because its one of the few exciting things i currently have to talk about.

that and the puppies. who are doing well. our older one is starting to get used to the little one and enjoy his company. they continue to fight to establish dominance, and i cant wait till thats over, because its too hard to watch. they don't really hurt each other, but still.

aloso, dan & i went to this set of farms/wineries/pumpkin patches etc with our friends (2 couples) that both have kids. we didn't really have plan (dan & called them up earlier this week an were just kind of like, lets go!) and that did NOT go well. we got there at 230pm to find out they close at 5pm, & that it was horrifically crowded. we did barely anything! last time we went, we just went with another couple had a great time checking out all the different places. you just have to plan ALOT more when you bring kids. the more time i spend with our friends with kids, the more thankful i am we don't have kids yet. while i'm sure its a wonderful experience, im definitely looking forward to that later in life. but for now i like my freedom. its a feeling i go back and forth on, sometimes i get overwhelmed with the desire to have kids, and have to reel myself in.

maybe when im 30.