shine on

2012-02-25

sometimes i really hate being the good girl. being perceived as respectable and classy and that is the reason that you like me. (none of you knew me in my college days) i hate it because i want you. and once there is some vodka in me i feel i want all those things to go out the window. and i hate how much we drink around each other because it just makes me want to drop all the crap and let you know that i just want to have fun like everybody else. but if a girl does that shes just a whore, and its so unfair. everyone at the bar always says how different i am, how good i am. yet none of them get close to me, you are the only one that ever tried. and i rejected you because i couldn't dirty my name and i knew you tried because you knew you wouldn't succeeded, it was a safe bet for non emotional involvement. so you weren't really trying at all, just playing.

but you did succeed. and you didn't expect to so now you don't care and don't really want me. and thats ok because i don't want a relationship or to date or any of it, i am going away soon and so are you. i just want fun but neither one of us will let ourselves have it and we will continue to drift apart and become acquaintances and pretend like we didn't spend weeks talking every day because you backed off so i backed off, so then you backed off again. because we are both weak and too afraid of what others would think.

why is casual sex with someone you like so much to ask for and so impossible?

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