I crave the feeling of love and belonging and completion that I didn't even know I got from Dan. being connected to somebody for 3.5 years an every day basis, to completely stop communicating is really hard.

Last night was alot of drama because dan showed up to my work. I thought he was with an other girl (and it did seem that way.), and I proceeded to get very upset and even cry (yes, i was drinking at the bar job as usual) which then resulted in a (female) coworker threatening Dan. Dan then explained he was there witha group and the girl was a friend of a friend he had just met that night, but could have fooled me. He said i seemed like i had drank more than usual at work, and being st paddy's day, i shouldn't drive home and he'd explain it all while him and his cousin gave me a ride. Of course he meant a ride to his house. we slept together (for the second time since we've broken up) because my self esteem has gone out the window with our relationship. I was hoping to regain any of that love or connection we once had, but it wasn't there, and that was the worst feeling of all. He also woke me up at 730 am to drop me off at my car and basically rushed me off, which also made me feel like shit.

Im sure everybody at the bar was wondering what the fuck is going on, we had all that drama then he walked into the bar (even though i asked him not to..) to pick me up. if anyone asks, i'll explain that he just wanted to explain himself, and everyone knows i drank too much. though i know no one will ask, they'll just talk.

thank god i'm leaving in a month because i am falling apart.