Of course people in Europe are smaller than people in the US (i mean by weight..like there are NO obese people in Barca at all, unless they are tourists.) but I am really getting a complex.

It's no secret i've gained weight in the past few years and was already uncomfortable with my body. But its gotten to the point where I am constantly the biggest person in the group & i got stuck in a L dress at Zara. No, I mean I was actually stuck. I had a moment of panic trying to decide if I should rip the dress, or humiliate myself and ask for help from the people working at the store. Luckily, after much maneuvering and shimmy-ing i broke free, but damn. Like, in the "younger" version of their store i have to wear the absolute biggest size and sometimes they don't even have stuff in that size. I can't even consider dresses. I get the feeling that they don't want bigger people in their clothes at alot of the stores. The younger version of Zara only makes it clothes in a Small and Med, if you need a large, too bad! There's also stores that everything is one size (which is usually very small), and if you don't fit it...too damn bad!

But its also weird because with the sizing in Spain, I now feel that H&M runs big, and at home i remember thinking how tiny it ran! So i think its a mix of Spains incredibely tiny sizes, beautiful people, my beautiful friends, coupled with drinking and crazy carby food that has amassed into this giant sense of body hate.

boredom is not helping my diet in anyway. (not that i usually have alot of time to myself, but lately my roomies are gone.)

I just want to lose weight so bad, and it gets so frusterating when its not instant.

arrrgg. OKAY so by sept 12 lbs shall be lost damnit.