I've been talking to my brother alot lately and he said that therapy has helped loads. I know my doctor wants to put me on valium or something, and i know that my worrying gets obsessive.

I had a mild panic attack yesterday convincing myself I had early symptoms of MS, and after spending a long time researching found out it was only low potassium levels.

let me preface this by saying i'm not absolutely nuts. In the last 2 months my body has been off. I thought it was the increase in drinking and late nights and massive amounts of caffeine..which i'm sure has contributed. But then my hands started tingling when i took deep breaths, i had chest pains sporadically (i've always had anxiety issues and chest pains due to me worrying over the chest pains is a common theme in my life, so maybe i am fucking nuts..but this symptom did not worry me that much) anyways i just feel all around fucking off and shitty. I ended up getting crazy charlie horses in the middle of the night, which i knew meant i needed potassium. ate some bananas for while and it all went away. it came back recently and only now did i correlate that the leg cramps and numbness were the connected.

so i don't have anything close to MS. but its not even just health shit and hypervigilince/awareness of my body. Its just. I fucking worry about every fucking thing. even in social situations. especially in social situations. when none of it matters. just fuck. i am so tired. i just want to let go and have fun but i never can unless i'm fucked up which is why i'm fucked up all the time.

Its weird because I am happy though, I just worry about stupid little un important shit and it fills up my mind..only in quiet places and quiet times maybe this is normal and maybe its not but fuck.

its so exhausting.