shine on

A few things.

2012-09-22

1) ok new deal with myself. if i lose 20 lbs, i can get my tattoo.

then only 5 more to go with more inspiration =]

2) It's kind of a relief to not be alone in my sadness. Everyone else I have talked to that is home, is just as sad as everyone else. we are all depressed and missing Spain and all dreaming of going back. some of us are making concrete plans to make it happen. some miss it but are done with that adventure. clearly, i'm not. but it was comforting to know we are all in the same place.

3) I am more broken then i realized. I got home and I had my beautifil book collection waiting for me, filled with my favorite kinds historcal fiction with some romance. But i didn't want to read any of them. or even think about them or watch any cute movies. Just can't handel that kind of love right now.

I don't know why. It's not the Spanish man. Or the French one. Or the ex. Well it is. and it isn't. It's none of them, but mostly, its all of them. oh well. time to learn to love myself and be okay with being alone. while i've been alone for a while now, and tried to be okay with it, i still think my focus has been too much on boys. it's godo to let them slide into the background and work on myself some more i guess.

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