I�ve always wondered what my parents were like when they were young. I wish I could go back and meet them. You know it�s weird. As a child you know your parents are real people, but not really. They have feelings and emotions and they take care of you and love you and they love each other and I guess for a long time I never really thought past that. Now that I�m older there are spurts where I�m intensely curious about their past lives (ones before kids and these jobs and northern California and maybe even each other.) Did they enjoy them? Have they had good lives? Are they happy? It�s weird. I�ve recently realized the longer I�ve known them the less I think I know about them. I guess being their child restricts me from knowing them in a lot of ways. Lately they�ve been slipping me little glimpses of their worlds now and then, and its crazy to realize how much I�ve missed. Of course you hide things from your kids for their own sake, and maybe when you get older it�s just become a habit.

But I am thankful for each bit I get. My dad told me some stories about Vietnam. Not the funny ones either. I could repeat those word for word because he always tried to make light of it. But he told me real stories. Ones he�s always refused to tell. Like how he saved 5 guys lives. Like how he was miserable and terrified and still yelling commands at his platoon when he was wounded. And how he actually wanted to go to war, he had seen too many John Wayne movies and thought it would be his great adventure. Which actually broke my heart more than what I had always thought was the truth, he went unwillingly drafted. It just shows how young he truly was, how na�ve. Barely 18. Jesus. He�s never told me things like that before. And it was raw and we were drunk and I was so grateful. My mom told me about recent drama in her friends group, which she let�s me in on occasionally but never parents of other people I�ve grown up with. So, it was fascinating to hear, all the things you miss and are sheltered from. A lot of the time as a child you never realizing its not actually about you and your friends at all, a lot of the time.

I guess all this thinking just makes me just hope that they are happy with the way things have turned out. And hope that most of the time they were happy along the way. That it's been (& continues to be) a wonderful fucking ride. From my heart of hearts that is my wish for them.