shine on

wtf is wrong with me.

2014-03-12

I am feeling very odd lately. Like a very "fuck everything" mood. I thought that working less I would be able to focus more on school and do and improve things that were important to me outside of work. But now that I'm only working 20 hours a week, I've found myself absolutely lethargic and indulgent. While I have been working out, thats really the only thing i've had going for me. I just dropped one of my only 2 classes, because I missed too many assignments. I've also been super careless with money, even though i now i have way less (exactly half)of what i had before. My room is a mess, I am exhausted for no explanation, and I just can not focus on school. Like it seriously feels like a giant Herculean effort. While before, yeah it sucked and I didn't want to do it, but it wasn't a big deal. Like what the fuck is going on?

I was also supposed to spend this time looking for other jobs. Like ones that I don't hate. But I have done aboslutely none of that. I've even been ignoring bill and just shopping instead. Like, I feel like i'm 19 again I don't know what the fuck is going on. Maybe its all the drinking during the week? I seriously don't know. But it needs to stop. I need to get my shit together or this would just be more wasted time, and that'd be a fucking tragedy.

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