So. where to begin? All i can really say is i'm just in a giant ball of hurt right now. I tried to brush it off and move on, but I just can't. I need a break. I need a lone time and healing and reading and shopping and yoga and coffee and dogs and running and doing all those things that make me feel like me again. Unfortunately i have ZERO free time right now. I work 5 days a week and then go to class for 4.5 hours afterwards. since i work,there is no time to actually study except my 2 days off, after class and before work. Obviously, minimal sleep is being had. That's when things always get a little dicey for me. I am never my best self when really tired. It's actually a me I'm not particularly fond of.

Anyways. this weekend was very painful for me. Like I just feel scrunched up in a big ball of hurt. I don't know. I came here to talk bout it, but now that it's in front of me i don't even want to. I guess this is why those important things for a lot of people, going through them takes a lot of pain and a lot of energy. And we just established I don't have a lot of that to go around these days.

Anyways, less stalling. more typing i guess. Where to start? Let's see. I guess it starts that i get a text from my current bf (i can't remember what arbitrary letter i assigned him in previous entries and im too lazy to go back and look so let's go with G on this one.) He texted me to tell me his parents were getting a divorce, which of course is devastating for him. The details get ugly, but I won't go into them. Needless to say,I was feeling like he needed some support, maybe a gesture even. the day he told me I drove out to where he lives (an hour and a half away from where I live.) after y 6 hours of work and my 4.5 hours of class, just to be with him. I felt like he shouldn't have to sleep alone on a night when receiving such bad news. We had a nice, short night. Didt talk about much just relaxed and watched tv, stayed up way too late. had sex. both drove to work in the morning (yes mine was 1.5 hours away) that was on Wed night. On Saturday I drove out there again after 8 hours of work because we had a big hike planed, I probably wouldn't have gone out of there otherwise..but also the whole divorce thing. I know he needs support right now.

Anyways, when i get there, he is not there. this is not a surprise....

ill finish tthis tomorrow. total cop out i know. but im tired and i guess im just not ready to go through it all again.