Okay... I don't really know where to start..

well I guess there is no where to start. Basically My mom thinks I'm depressed and wants me to see a counslear.

It's not that I'm depressed...just because my passion and love for things and the things that make me happy are thigns that she doesn't know or doesn't understand or just doens't care too..

bleh. Admittadly i was pretty depressed this summer but not anymore...well i guess the seclusion from my friends does that to me a bit...but guess who does that? guess who grounds me? It's her. its her fault. Im sure you think im blaming my problems on her... she has had me being grounded for bout 3 months. What do you expect?

She think I'm angry and cold towards her...its true. why? you ask. because i can't stand to be around her. I hate the way she treats me, the way she yells at me, the way she looks at me...

No i don't hate her. I lover her todeath...I understand she wants to help me but her help i sometimes think is...misguided..and over bearing.

does she not recall how much i've hated counslears and everything about them? how i hate that idea all together? because in my opinion and view, when it comes down to it, its someone judging you every moment of every time? for money and critiquing you? and yeah its to "help" or w/e but i've hated the idea my whole life..and i hate it just as much now. I'm not going to spill my life to some fucking stranger..I'm just not..that nods their head and says okay and pretends to listen and pretends to care~ probably just counting down the minutes to the seconds so they can send me on my way, and get their money.

Not only that...but i don't trust my moms judgement in counslears either. I mean she fully and truley and believes in a psychic for god sakes~ who leads her all kidns of ways astray. I don't know if there's such thing as psychics thats a whole other issue, i think some ppl may be intuitivly and what not but thats off the subject-- the woman my mom goes to is not one. I'm telling you now. If she was she's know i know about her, and half the shit about my parents i know. and she would be right about shit once in awhile. God, even if she was, why would my mom look to her? I don't understand it at all.

Every time i think of it, anger just wells up in me. I will not go. Yeah I'm stubborn as hell. and the wrost part is, theres one person that i can't beat, and thats my mom. She's going to win and it pisses me off so bad. the thought of me being in there talking to someone...i can't stand it. I just can't i dont need/want to be judge by yet another person. God I am 'depressed' or whatever why can't she just fucking see if it passes?

Its not like its something I cant get through. It's not like I'm not happy. So many thigns make me happy.. I'm having a hard time in school with friends, and fitting in and what not..and to lazy to do work, but i've alwasy been like that. Well not the friends thing but still...she just doesn't know anythign about me...and I dont want her to know.

Our personalities clash, we don't get along. and its basically because in alot of ways were too much alike. which scares the shit out of me too *sigh*

She says a big reason she wants me to go is because it would 'help our relationship.' Mom, you don't need a fucking counslear for that. you need to learn how let teh fuck go? Have you ever heard of the quote "If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were."

What if you were really that concerned i think that we should go to a counslear with teh two of us? (as much as i would hate that...I don' think i could do that either) Why just sending me would work, I don't know.

She said she's thinking of going too. That's good for you. do what you want. do what you think is most beneficial for you-- don't push it on me. Just like everything else.

I sware. Once im out of this house and on my own i can almost assure you that thigns will be alot better.

I just need some room and space...to breathe.

and not just to breathe some fresh air.

hmm. see. i even look forward to things.. =P