But, even though i feel like I finally figured out that i want to have him close as possible,w hy do i feel more alone than before? Maybe i require more attention now or something...maybe i feel like the feelings aren't 100% recipocated. I feel like he doesn't care if i call, and sometiems even if i do it annoys him. and I feel like i get more excited to see him than vice versa.

I don't know. Before i used to feel like he was alot more attatched to me, than i was to him. Or that maybe that he even loved me more than i did? But now i know thats not true. Infact I kind of feel like the tables turned around? That I want more from him, or that I'm willing to give more to him? Or just want to be aruond him more... I don't know? I guess I'm just too self-concsiouss and not yet comofortable in my new found..."certainity?"? but if i'm having questions how sure am i?

Maybe its just the lack of time we'e had to spend with eachother... i hope thats all it is.

Because i hate feeling this alone, when you want someone so bad. and you even have them, but it doesnt feel like you really do totally?