shine on

My Mom

2004-07-08

I hate that my mom is so far away from me. Or well, that i put her there. It's hard for me to see/watch all the people on T.V. or even my friends, who have moms that are their best friends. I wish my mom was like that with me. And I know that its not that she's the kind of person that people can't talk to or entrust in, because I know she's great for that...for some reason I chose not to. I choose not to. And a-lot of the time, I regret it. But it feels so...odd, telling her anything. It even feels natural to keep things from her, or just never mention them. I never tell her what's going on until the last second. It's not like she's not involved in my life because she's not interested, it's because i've pushed her away. I think I pushed her away to get rid of the scary over bearing part of her, but with that, I've pushed all of her away. I've pushed away her friendship, and the truth of her personality. I spent so much time and so long hating her rules and authority, I never thought about the person behind them... that I might miss her...that I do miss her...That i wish i knew her. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, new email if anyone cares, stupid hotmail, took everything out of my old one, Diaryland was the only reason i still kept it around so. so if anyone cares:[email protected]

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