shine on

Don't feel good lately..

2004-10-21

oi. I'm getting depressed again. I used to not know what it was. This feeling. This blurry, empty, confusing feeling. It didn't make any sense to me. It was just something i felt sometimes. But now..now i know. The desire to sleep all the time, and any time i can. But as hard as i try, and as much as i want to just sleep the days away, sleep my life away, and sleep this place away, I can't. I try, but I can't. I don't feel like going anywhere, i don't feel like doing anything, I haven't been hungry--and i feel so fat and discontent with myself, all at the same time.

And i sit. and i wallow. and i think. and i avoid. people and problems. and everything. and i just want to sleep...and i haven't been feeling good lately. My stomachs been really bothering me and i don't know why.

and. and. I hope its just tonight, or at least, a every once in a while thing. Because, I've had this feeling too often lately. And its all too familiar lately. And i'm trying so hard to be happy. I'm trying so hard for everyhting ot be new and fresh, to feel loved and not alone.

I just hope, trying is enough.

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