I feel bad for my mom. For the most part, i feel as if she's raised us well. actually, I know she has. and to be honest, I think she's the best mom anyone could ever ask for, or end up with. Obviously parents are human too. thus, parents make mistakes too. but it must be hard, doing what you think is best, but it ends up not being. To have yoru own morals and dedication and hard work...all go where you didn't want them to.

For my brother J's graduation present (from college) My mom and dad were both so excited about J's gift. Especially my mom. When she told him, that he could get any car he wanted in a certain price range, he simply sat there. dissapointed at the fact they had said no sports car. (they didn't want him to kill himself, he's kind of known for his reckless driving.) He didn't even utter a thank-you, or ask about the price range. My mom was really hurt. Maybe she just likes surpises as much as i do. But i think...I think that she's realizing that in alot of ways..or maybe I'm realizing in a lot of ways, that we have been pretty ungrateful. Mostly with gifts. I know i've done hte same. I mean not with a car but...the gold earings. It makes me hurt being her child, just because I hate that I haven't been more grateful. That we haven't been more grateful. She's such a beautfil woman, and she tries so hard.

For some reason whenever I think of my mom, she has a child-like quality. She's much wiser and more weathered than me, but her excitement for little things and enthusiasim, her great plans, all seem kind of naive sometimes. And it's one of my favorite things about her. And as much as i talk shit about my mom..if anyone else does, I hate it. I really can't stand it.

It's just like today. When she was getting so excited about his gift, she couldn't decide whether to tell him or not. And every time she thought about it, she got jumpy, and there was this... child- like glow about her. Even though she had accidently hinted the secret away (J's a smart kid, he is graduating from college after all)And just when she gets let down and hurt, I see a child-like pain in her. The kind of pain the person who is expeircing can't really understand what could have led to that to happen...the kind of pain that you don't know how to re-act to it. Simply put, I hate seeing her in pain. any form of it. And i hate that, alot of the time I put her in it. And today...today she was so.... so.......she had that glow about her.