for the past few days i was feeling like i had over extended my giving abilities both emotionally and tangibly. i had lent the bf more than was monetarily comfortable (yes its my mistake, but god knows i cant say no)and on top of that was giving him rides home from work/ to school every day. now the reason he didn't have his car is no fault of his own, but his increasing reliance on me was really stressing me out. and at some point i felt like i was giving, giving, giving, and he just kept taking, taking, taking.

of course i am willing to help in a time of need, but it was frustrating when i felt like i was exhausting all my sources and all i got was a "thanks." not that i need him to throw himself at my feet bowing in gratitude or anything, but a little bit of ANYTHING would have been nice.

on top of that plus the feeling of not actually hanging out but only giving rides and sleeping near each other basically, i began feeling annoyed and distant. i started feeling like i was basically only there to help him out. that plus his usual disregard for how i'm feeling or my tiredness, leading to at least two nights of one-sided sex (i guess you could call it.)

so this is all building up and i am upset and tired and just want to go home.

and then i don't know how it really happened. i do know i was somewhat reluctant, but out of nowhere we had sex. and not only sex but good sex. finally.

and then, it was weird. because after that i totally felt love-dovey and wanting to be around him and stay there for the rest of the day again. almost instantly.

and it kinda scared me. i read somewhere hormones are a way of tricking people into marriage, and now i feel that the statement has some kind of truth to it. even if its just a little. but i want to think that it is more than that, especially if i am going to take this relationship seriously in the future. are we actually compatible, or are our bodies telling us that just so we will try to pro-create, and then we will fall apart like 50% of american couples after a few years of failing or succeeding at it. (not that we are trying to, but our bodies dont know that)

or maybe it is really love and we are complimentary couple we like to believe ourselves to be . and i just needed some sex to cheer me up/relieve stress, who knows.