i want to be happy. i want to be happy by myself. i want to not want anyone. i hate that im so alone that i get attached to anyone who gives me attention for 48 hours. i hate it. i hate it all. i need to stay here because i cant go home. I just cant fucking face it. i can face here alone..its so much easier, but it still hurts. its still hard.

i just want to be empty and cold and numb. why does it seem like the only viable answer...the only answer. i hate it.