All my hard work and waiting is finally paying off. Nursing school applications are around the corner and it feels, so fucking good! Even if i don't get in this round, I don't even really care. I'm just happy to know that it's a real thing on the horizon. It's not this sorta woulda coulda idea. It's not something I did half ass and kinda made up. My ducks are in a fucking row. well, a last minute row. I didn't realize i'd be applying this round, It's kind of rushed, but hey,why the fuck not.

Things are going better with G. I don't remeber what letter i gave him before, so "G" it is. Still feeling insecure about somethings and about how much he likes me at times, the more I let that out make it obvious, the less he likes me. Still worried about him being in love with his best female friend. Making all kinds of scenarios in my head based off of things he does or does not do. all around unhealthy, unsure. At the same time in the past he was shady as fuck about her, so it's not like its unwarranted. But I really shouldn't be doing this to myself. And don't worry I know he wouldn't physically cheat on me, but there are worse things. One things we have learned, is he WILL carry on a year long relationship while not being that into someone (me.) I am enjoyng and accepting his turn around for what it is. But I'm still weary. Unfortunately that wall needs to stay up. Again is that healthy?

I think, with his best friend he made a decision and he chose me. I think so at least. I still think he's shady around her. It still hurts. I know i should just accept it and let it be and if he's gonna do fucked up stuff then he's going to do it and if he does, it will come out. because you can only do shit like that so long before it changes/effects you or how you act/your attitude towards a person (either her or me.) I just need to trust him. But, he really hasn't given me that much to trust.

fuck that fucking sucks. I know that he wouldn't do anything physical, and if he did he would tell me. But i also don't want him totally digging the shit out of another chick, when he's supposed to be with me. BUt thats not how real life works is it. I need to get over it I guess. Maybe I am crazy, Maybe it really is nothing.

nah. doubt it.