Feb 7 - Friend's Bday
Feb 12 - My birthday
Feb 14 - Valentine's Day & The Anniversery of my Grandma's death
Feb 16 - K's bday
Feb 20 - a another friends bday
Feb 26 - The Boy's anniversery with his new gf

i don't mind the birthdays. (though i like mine less and less every time it comes around) It's the other two that are two of the longest days i know. Hard to believe she's been gone a whole year, hard to believe he's been gone for one. Both were bearable but, this month's has still been dragging it's feet. muddying themselves along the way.

This month has been painstakingly slow. mostly due to boredom, and being fed up with my roomates. They are at eachother's throats, I am sorry to hear that. But, I don't want to hear it every living second of every day. Just talk to each other allready god damnit. Instead of talking to everybody and anybody else, other than the other person. that is how resentment grows. that's why its growing. lodged behind and inside your avoidance and looks. it's not like it's effecting only you two. it's not like the rest of us don't feel it. it's not like the rest of us feel as if it will grow so big we will eventually have to choose sides, because you can only straddle the middle so long, and then it grows too big and you fall to one side or the other, whether you want to or not.

People here, do not deal with their emotions at all. They shove it down and push it, attribute it to pride and strengh, yet wonder why they are angry all the time. i attribute it to immaturity and childness. i have a whole other rant on that, but i really don't feel like getting into it, i don't feel like much of anything, lately. Just to go home. That's the only thing i really want to do. Just, get away from them, because the tension is becoming unberable, and jsut being in the same room with the two of them is so awkward.

Been playing my computer alot because of that.. Just kind of asking to be left alone, because i will just have to hear about the roomate drama, it's always the same thing and the same complaint. and god knows i'm willing to listen and try to help, and i have and i will continue to, but this living enviroment is definatly not very happy or healthy. and just bleh.

Hopefully they will grow up and finally face one eachother. They would rather go through days and weeks of anger and pain then having one confrontation. i guess that's the power of fear, or cowardice. not sure which. not to say that i'd be any better in the same situation..roomate situations are sticky. but still. One side so full of rage and accusations and the toher so full of denial and feigned innocence. with the the two together i guess its no wonder they don't go at it. it'll probably get them as far as what they've been doing now, and that's nowhere.

but either way, any genuine effort from either side to mend things would be...refreshing.