i seriously need to lay off the caffeine. my heart is going a million miles a minute but my eyes are still heavy.

this much caffeine normally makes me all motivated and 'i can take on the world'-ish. but now its just making me frantic. and sad.

or the caffeine is speeding up the sadness. something like that.

anyways. i already know how its going to end, and it hasn't even really begun. it's going to end with you and you suggesting we end, probably because you are bored but you will make up a different excuse or lie in order to try and save my feelings. but really i don't need to be saved. its just a courteousy in the end anyways. and i know it will be you and not me because i will pretty much take anything for as long as it is there to be taken because i really am that lazy.

in a way, i'd be disappointed if it ended with a gradual fade and backing off and politeness.

though.. its been quiet intense for the past month so any backing off would feel sharper than it should. thus i don't see a graident being possible for us.

i want it clean and i want it honest and i want it brutal. because i've already made up my mind on what i'm going to say as a response to whatever excuse you give. i allready know through what medium because you are so text messagy all the time.

and my response will simply be "ok." thats it. just two letters and one piece of punctuation. just "ok." cause really, it is ok. and i don't want a fuss. and. that's what i've decided, so thats the way it is.

well, will be.