1)weight
2)being stuck in life/not traveling
3)ambiguous career path

So today is number 2. The fact that I write about the same shit constantly should really be a good indicator. It's not just my writing here either. My thought patterns stick pretty close to these three topics when left to wander.

But. Number 2 i write, and think the most about. It comes up the most, is inspired and drudged up by the tiniest things, because it is becoming overwhelming. suffocating.

There was this girl in highschool. She was popular and beautiful, athletic. She was also really, really nice. Specifically to me. I had some really down times in highschool, just like everybody else. Some of my included being picked on by teachers though, or other semi public forms of humiliation. Even though I didn't know her very well (we were acquaintances) she stuck up for me on multiple occasions, and supported me when she thought i was down.

I have her on fbook, and honestly haven't kept in touch or even really seen what she was up to, but she made a post how one of her blog entires had made it on a pretty big website. So i went and read her entry and it was UH-MAZE-ING.

it was all about trading saftey for adventure. She ended up in one of my dream towns, Barcelona. How you can do anything without fear. And that your fear is the only thing holding you back. Once you let go of saftey and brace the uncertainty you can have great years of your life.

I want to get there but how? I am almost done with this degree. Then its on to the next one? that seems so boring. and bland.

Yes the whole point of nursing is to be able to travel, but its hard ot make a new life with a serious boyfriend with small ambitions and no thoughts of travel. I don't mean travel. I mean like 3 month long stays in other countries. I guess he is the main factor of my not wanting ot leave. How can i give up 2.5 years? But will i resent him for never getting to experience Spain and Africa? I mean in a real way. In a i lived there way.

What if i choose traveling, and we don't stay together, and I realize i lose the most person important to me.

Why do I have to choose?

ugh. Yes, 2 definitely gives me the most troubles.